My Disaster Date

You would think that since I've been married for so long, I wouldn't have any new disaster date stories. Well, thanks to last Friday, I've got another one to add to the books.

My husband has been dying to go out on the Great Salt Lake and rent a paddle board. It's kind of like riding a surfboard without any surf--that's why you need the paddle. I thought it sounded like fun. Why I thought it sounded like fun I don't know. Anyone who has experienced the Great Salt Lake knows that it's kind of a gross place to be. It smells like rotting flesh and there tend to be a lot of bugs along the shore.

When we got to the marina, it didn't smell too bad. The college kid who rented out the paddle boards informed us that it was too windy for paddle boards, so we rented a kayak instead. He took us down to the shore, where he washed the bugs off of our kayak before we took it out. That should have been our first clue. "The bugs are really bad right now," he said, "but once you get out a little ways, there aren't any more bugs."

We hopped on board the kayak and paddled, our only goal being to get past the little flies that were everywhere. We could see some red buoys that were really far out, and we set a goal to get out past them. As we approached the buoys, I saw they were covered with little flies. My husband splashed at the buoy with his paddle, thinking he could kill some of the flies. Instead, they all flew right onto me. "Stop," I shouted, then I choked because those flies were inside my mouth and heading down my throat.

"Put your arms in the water to get the flies off," my husband suggested.

The salt water on my arms was like an adhesive. The flies stuck to it. "Maybe if we go out a little further."

The further out we went, the worse the flies got. Eventually, we turned around and headed back to shore, where there were fewer flies. Yep, that was our date. It cost all of $8 because we only stayed out for a half-hour.